Kim Kardashian Joins NASA To Become The First Reality TV Star Astronaut

Announced early Saturday via the Daily Squat, Kim Kardashian’s representative announced that in early May the reality TV megastar would become the first of her kind, a new breed of space travel: the ASS-Tronaut.

The new program to launch her  into space would be one of the first funded by President Trump’s NASA bill. Amazingly despite the general controversy over his policies, this policy seems to have been greeted with support from both sides of the Republican and Democratic aisle. The mission, code named ProjecKim Kardashiant Double Michelin, will be to test the gravitational pull on large and gelatinous life forms for which the scientists felt Mrs. Kardashian West’s derriere would be perfect.

At the current moment, there is no immediate plan for bringing her back down out of orbit.

To ensure her safety, Mrs. Kardashian West has insured her rear end for an additional twenty million dollars and the taping rights to the new reality TV show are currently being sought after by a number of entertainment companies.

The only opponent to this new plan is her husband, Kanye West. He feels he is and always has been America’s perfect ASS-Tronaut and would be more perfect for the project. Despite most of American’s agreeing with this sentiment, there are still no immediate plans for him to participate in the experiment.

As of this time, it is still unclear whether Whoopi Goldberg, Raven Simone and other celebrities plan to join the program to escape Trump’s presidency as well.

Now wouldn’t we all have loved for this to have been true? Love her or hate her, Kim was the butt of this April fools joke! But what is true is that my new novel, WAR MACHINE, is set to drop on May 18th! Make sure to  check it out here.

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  • Article and novel by Maggie Lynn Heron-Heidel. Thanks to Peg Heron Heidel for inspiring this article. Have a happy April!

This article has not been approved by Kim Kardashian and is covered by the American copyright law and falls under the category of fair use.

 

Is Lady Gaga’s New Music Video A Diss At The Late John Wayne?

I certainly think so… Read the article below via Whatsit TV to see if you agree.

The Lady Gaga John Wayne Parody by Whatsit Productions TV Network is here! Join Maggie Lynn and Peg for another all star spoof of the hit single from Joanne! From machine gun stilettos to mother monster birthing the antichrist, you’re sure to be laughing your way along to this cowboy bonanza! WATCH IT NOW

via Watch Lady Gaga’s John Wayne In Parody Infamy – Whatsit TV — The Mistresses of Merriment

The Romance of Fantasy – Happy Valentine’s Day

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Fantasy Lovers

Ah, the romance of fantasy. The tease of a kiss while on dragon back or at the edge of death where two lovers afraid of being parted breathe their last, expressing their love… Ah, the joys of being a writer, creating such scenes.

 

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE MAKE IT MAGICAL

XO Maggie Lynn (Author and Filmmaker)

Chalorn the Baby Dragon – A Character Sketch From the Vaktare Of All Realms Series

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Charlorn the Baby Dragon – A Character Sketch by Maggie Lynn Heron-Heidel

Ah, Chalorn. The little darling from my series Vaktare of All Realms. I thought I’d give you all a little sneak peak at his character before the book is released. His mother, Xara, is on the cover art I did for the book. Here she is if you missed her –

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Vaktare of All Realms Series

I love dragons, don’t you? Check out the series here: VAKTARE OF ALL REALMS

Are Your Clothes Killing You? Toxins Hiding In Plain Sight

Everyone loves shopping, right? The high of the buy is part of the thrill. But once you take a closer look at your purchase, it may leave your skin crawling.

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California Proposition 65 Cancer Warning On the Clothes I bought

For example, while shopping at a local Marshalls store in my area, I couldn’t figure out why I was developing hives from simply trying on clothes. Was it a dye from a dress I had tried on? A perfume I had inadvertently inhaled? In all fairness, I have always been very sensitive to chemicals, so at first I wasn’t alarmed. I made my purchase and went home. It wasn’t until a week later that I discovered the real cause.

Checking a shirt I bought, I took a quick look at one of the tags. I was horrified to discover that it contained a small print warning: “This product contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer or birth defects or other reproductive harm.”

Cancer? Birth defects? Reproductive Harm? From a shirt?!

Even more unnervingly, I learned from a quick Googling of the California Law that products that are sold outside of California are not required to have the warning label even if they contain the same substances that might cause cancer. Some companies that sell products all over the US only label those sent to California, even though all their products contain the same compounds.

From this law, I also learned that The Prop 65 labels only tell you that a product has something in it that might cause cancer or affect reproduction. They don’t say what the substance is, where it is in the product, how you might be exposed to it, what the level of risk is, or how to reduce your exposure.

So essentially I might have bought the exact same shirt somewhere else and it wouldn’t have had the warning on it. The only reason it had one was probably because Marshalls had bought the item from California and decided to sell it here where I live in Connecticut.

Add to that, I would probably never find out what the toxic compound it contained actually was. It could be any of the 800 chemicals that California requires a warning label on. The manufacturer has no obligation to disclose what it might be to me.

Gulp. All that from a little spaghetti strap blouse? I had previously known that almost all clothing these days is sprayed with formaldehyde and other toxic substances such as flame retardants, but this topped the cake. The warning on the item was merely coincidental. Had I gotten the shirt elsewhere, it may not have had the warning at all. And even then, only 800 chemicals require labeling in that state. What about the thousands of others proved harmful?

So what does this tell us consumers? That not even the most innocuous of items are safe anymore. They need to be eyed with scrutiny to the highest extent.

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Toxic Shopping: Hidden Toxins In Your Clothes

Even after looking through the rest of my bargains (and much to my dismay discovering none of them were actually made in the USA, not that American products are any the less toxic), I had to realize that they may have potentially been contaminated with the same chemical, but did not carry the same warning tag. There is no way of telling what is in, been sprayed on, or dyed into a product. Even repeated washing can’t get rid of most of these toxins.

Gee, and here I thought I was so safe because I ate only organic. Maybe the people who buy organic pesticide-free clothing aren’t so paranoid after all.

So this articles begs the question: is what lurks in your closet safe? Could your kids be wearing a shirt laced with lead, cadmium, or deadly flame retardants? Is your normal consumer shopping hiding a hidden risk your doctors will never tell you about? Or do the doctors themselves not yet know?

Caveat emptor… Buyer beware… If one can be completely aware in this day in age. Proceed with caution.

  • Maggie Lynn Heron-Heidel

Facts from the American Cancer Society. You can read more on the subject here: https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/general-info/cancer-warning-labels-based-on-californias-proposition-65.html

The Haunted House On the Hill

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The Hunted House on the Hill – Maggie Lynn Heron-Heidel

On the house on the haunted hill is where she lived. The trees bent in a supernatural wind that never blew and the floors creaked under shadows that only the inner eye could see. Voices echoed from no mouths even though the ear could clearly hear them. But even as these terrors remained, the girl who lived there never any fear. She only had one word for that spooky place, and that was home.

❤️Good night everybody, from the house on the hill.

– Maggie Lynn xo ❤

Cabot – A Character From Black Frost

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Cabot- A character from Maggie Lynn Heron-Heidel’s upcoming novel ‘Black Frost’

Ah, Cabot… A character sketch from my upcoming #book ‘Black Frost’. Not quite a cat, not quite a bat, he’s still all around awesome! What are some of your favorite #fantasy animals? Dragons, gryphons… Come on. You’ve got to have at least one favorite
Comment to let me know. Maybe we share some of the same favorites!
– Maggie Lynn Heron-Heidel

Is Your TV Evil? – A Faith Based Look

Sanctification and purification begins with your mind. Whatever you allow your eyes to see, your ears to hear, and your mouth to speak, are what you become. My advice? Guard them. If you don’t believe in violence, then don’t watch it on TV or play violent video games. The same applies to listening to music filled with profanity, drug references, and promiscuity. Most people don’t even realize what they are being subjected to. Main stream entertainment content is filled with subliminal advertising for just about anything you can think of, including pharmaceuticals!
 
I am not suggesting that you turn off everything in entirety. No. I am just asking you to think of what it is fostering. If you are depressed and cannot figure out why, try to look at what is influencing you. Your TV constantly advertises every ailment they can prescribe a drug for and flaunts violence not because it is the news, but because it generates money for the channels and their advertisers! Mind you, this includes our politicians, too. They do advertise after all!
 
Take a break. Be with yourself and with God. Get outside, read a book, and metaphorically smell the roses. The roses haven’t shot anyone today. They won’t convince you that you have some new horrible and probably falsified disease. And they certainly aren’t xenophobic, racist, or accusing you of being a misogynist!
 
Reach out to our Lord and savior Jesus Christ for comfort and clarity. He listens. He heals us. He teaches us not to hate and to take care of our minds, bodies and souls. He wants us to be well and He loves us.
 
Can you claim the same for your TV?
 
– Peace be with you, Maggie Lynn

For This I Pray – We Have The Power To Cast Out Demons

In Jesus‘s name I pray… For all the souls feeling the devil pressing into their lives, I ask for relief… For all the sick and the weary, I ask for healing of their hearts and bodies… For all the lost and hopeless, I ask that you boost their faith up onto your shoulders… For all the nations across the land accepting and playing host to evil, I ask that the people there become wise and cast Satan out…
hopeWhile we may feel helpless, we cannot forget that the Lord our God has granted us dominion over many of the things we do nothing about. Man was given the power to cast out demons and in doing so, all the evil they bring about in our lands, souls and bodies. We must have faith and allow God to work through us.
Cast all of your eyes to the Lord. Call upon him. He will answer. Let him cleanse your mind of negativity and sin. Let him heal you and through you, heal others.
Amen.
– Maggie Lynn

Contest Alert -$4000 Worth of Audio Book Services For Authors

Heads up indie authors! The guys over at ‘Your First Ten Thousand Readers’ are partnering up to give some lucky author a $4000 package to record their book and put it in audio form! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

reedsy-giveaway-audiobook The giveaway ends soon, so hurry to enter! http://www.blog.yourfirst10kreaders.com/giveaways/win-turn-your-book-into-an-audiobook-well-cover-the-costs/?lucky=3327