Announced early Saturday via the Daily Squat, Kim Kardashian’s representative announced that in early May the reality TV megastar would become the first of her kind, a new breed of space travel: the ASS-Tronaut.
The new program to launch her into space would be one of the first funded by President Trump’s NASA bill. Amazingly despite the general controversy over his policies, this policy seems to have been greeted with support from both sides of the Republican and Democratic aisle. The mission, code named Project Double Michelin, will be to test the gravitational pull on large and gelatinous life forms for which the scientists felt Mrs. Kardashian West’s derriere would be perfect.
At the current moment, there is no immediate plan for bringing her back down out of orbit.
To ensure her safety, Mrs. Kardashian West has insured her rear end for an additional twenty million dollars and the taping rights to the new reality TV show are currently being sought after by a number of entertainment companies.
The only opponent to this new plan is her husband, Kanye West. He feels he is and always has been America’s perfect ASS-Tronaut and would be more perfect for the project. Despite most of American’s agreeing with this sentiment, there are still no immediate plans for him to participate in the experiment.
As of this time, it is still unclear whether Whoopi Goldberg, Raven Simone and other celebrities plan to join the program to escape Trump’s presidency as well.
Now wouldn’t we all have loved for this to have been true? Love her or hate her, Kim was the butt of this April fools joke! But what is true is that my new novel, WAR MACHINE, is set to drop on May 18th! Make sure to check it out here.
- Article and novel by Maggie Lynn Heron-Heidel. Thanks to Peg Heron Heidel for inspiring this article. Have a happy April!
This article has not been approved by Kim Kardashian and is covered by the American copyright law and falls under the category of fair use.